


Get out of this house

by Prawnperson



Category: Jeeves & Wooster, Jeeves - P. G. Wodehouse
Genre: Basically Jeeves stands up for Bertie, Implied Bertie/Jeeves, Jeeves snaps, M/M, Probably ooc, Tuppy is HORRIBLE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:22:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28933956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prawnperson/pseuds/Prawnperson
Summary: I have made no secret in the past that I am not very fond of many of Mr. Wooster’s friends and acquaintances. While the attendance of Mr. Winship is generally welcomed, or perhaps even Mr. Todd on visits to America, the same cannot be said for most members of the Drones club. However, it is not my place to openly question the company my employer keeps, however strong my private opinions may be.
Relationships: Reginald Jeeves/Bertram "Bertie" Wooster
Comments: 10
Kudos: 63





	Get out of this house

I have made no secret in the past that I am not very fond of many of Mr. Wooster’s friends and acquaintances. While the attendance of Mr. Winship is generally welcomed, or perhaps even Mr. Todd on visits to America, the same cannot be said for most members of the Drones club. However, it is not my place to openly question the company my employer keeps, however strong my private opinions may be.

Mr. Wooster was out for the day, lunching with Mr. Little in order to address a problem regarding his recent and undoubtedly temporary infatuation with a maid of his uncle’s employ. I was attending to my duties about the flat as I usually did in the late morning when there was a knock at the door. I adjusted my collar and went to answer it, wondering who it could be at this particular hour.

To my great surprise, Mr. Glossop poked his head around the door. He had thrust himself upon me before I had any time to greet him or inform him of Mr. Wooster’s absence. I cannot say I was surprised, for Mr. Glossop’s manner in particular has always caused me great displeasure and even discomfort at times. 

“What-ho, Jeeves. Is Bertie in?”

Mr Glossop situated himself on the sofa and crossed his legs to reveal a pair of the most disagreeable socks I had ever seen in my life. They were tartan with flares of black. I feel it necessary to mention that upon discovering this, I found it somewhat harder to refrain from dropping his title and referring to him as simply ‘Tuppy’, lest he believed I actually respected him. However, through sheer force of will and the feudal spirit, as Mr. Wooster called it, I managed to hold my tongue.

“Mr. Wooster is out at the moment, I am afraid, Mr. Glossop. If you would care to wait for him?”

He motioned for me to make him a brandy and soda, which I did under duress, adding perhaps more soda than entirely necessary. I may blame it on the early hour if ever asked, although I doubt I will be. 

“What’s he up to, then? Not biffing off to Totleigh again, is he?”

“Mr. Wooster is attempting to assist Mr. Little in a personal matter. It should not be long until he returns.” 

I hoped as much was true for I had no desire to be alone with Mr. Glossop for any longer than necessary. However, just as I believed I was relatively out of danger and perhaps free to attend to some other fictitious duties, I heard a snort from behind me. 

“Sir?”

“He’s attempting to what?”

“Mr. Wooster is attempting to help Mr. Little regarding a matter of some personal affection.”

Mr Glossop—Tuppy—snorted again, an ugly sound. My shoulders stiffened.

“Oh, no, not again. Poor Bertie, he never learns, does he?” 

“Sir?”

I could not allow myself to say more for fear my words would result in dismissal. The expression on my face was already bordering on impropriety.

“Bertie couldn’t help a pot onto a stove let alone get Bingo out of bother. I tell you, he goes wandering about the place like a mad thing messing things up for everyone and then wonders why we all try to swap our duds with him at the white elephant.” 

I am sorry to say that my hands clenched into fists.

“You see, Jeeves, what you have to understand about Bertie is that he’s a soft touch. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a nice enough sort of chap, but don’t you ever get bored of steering him about? People at school said he was born with a soft head. You could take advantage of it, if you were careful. I know I would.”

At this, he winked at me as though he had bestowed upon me some secret that would reap most advantageous awards.

I have been well aware since my first day in Mr. Wooster’s employ that he is, in some ways, mentally negligible. While my assumption had been incorrect in some ways as I had not yet been made aware of his fine heart or kind eyes, the truth remained that Bertram could not generally be trusted to make the wisest choices for himself. I had always been aware of the fact I could have taken advantage of this, but was pained by the mere thought, and the further idea that past valets could have abused his trusting nature. 

This in no way affected my peculiar regard for him, and if anything, only increased it, but did cause me to worry for him occasionally. Mr. Glossop’s words meant my worst fears had been realised for quite some time.

Bertram was being bullied.

I am unsure of what exactly Mr. Glossop had been talking exactly of when I heard it, but it stuck into me like a knife.

“He’s a waste of space, really.”

It was upon this that something within me snapped, and I am afraid I leant forwards and snatched the glass out of Mr. Glossop’s hands. 

“Get out of this house.”

“I beg your pardon?!”

His indignant response would be appropriate in any other situation, but considering the fact he had just spent the past ten or so minutes directly abusing my dear employer while drinking his alcohol and sitting on his furniture, I felt it only right to make my true feelings known.

“You have come here time and time again, demanding things of Mr. Wooster and getting him into large amounts of trouble for which you should have rightfully gotten the blame.”

I placed the glass down so hard it was a possibility I damaged it and advanced upon Mr. Glossop with a fury I have never known before. I will admit the look of shock and outrage mixed with terror was strangely gratifying.

“You have done nothing but abuse his good nature and take advantage of his kind heart, perhaps because you are aware that no one else of such a sweet disposition would ever look twice in your direction. I am certain you have done nothing to even attempt to reimburse him for all the time, effort and funds he has sunk into your sad excuse of an acquaintance over the years.”

By this time Mr. Glossop had not so much stepped as tumbled out of his seat. I blocked the doorway before he could make his retreat. 

“I can think of no good thing you have ever given Mr. Wooster beyond further evidence of his patience and forgiveness to show his peers. Now, regardless of what ridiculous scheme or problem you came here to tangle Bertram in, I strongly advise you get out now before I risk not only my future employment but your future ability to eat anything other than soup.”

I handed Mr. Glossop his coat, hat and whangee and finally stepped back from the door, allowing him to open it himself and dash out into the hall, where he encountered Mr. Wooster. I allowed myself to watch the exchange unfold.

“What-ho, Tuppy. I say, you’re in a terrible state, are you alright?”

“Jeeves has gone mad, Bertie! You want to have him seen to!”

And with that, Mr. Glossop made a hasty retreat down the apartment stairs.

“I say, Jeeves, the most extraordinary thing has just happened out there in the hall.”

“Yes, I was able to survey the situation, sir. It was most distressing.”

“What was he blithering about, Jeeves? You haven’t taken mercury poisoning or some rubbish, have you?”

I shook my head.

“No, sir. However, if you may permit me, I have something I would like to inform you of.”

I shut the door behind Mr. Wooster as he gazed up at me with a look I am not ashamed to say caused my heart to squeeze somewhat in my chest. 

“Very well, Jeeves, lead on.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first J&W fic so please let me know if it works or not!


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